Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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