You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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