Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
