That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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