All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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