You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
