Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
