Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
