Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
