I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
