so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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