I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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