so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
