Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
