I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
