I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
