How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
