Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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