you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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