so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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