I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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