I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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