I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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