that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
