she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
