Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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