the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
