And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
