ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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