He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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