Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
