Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
