I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
