Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
