What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
BRING THE BAGELS
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
