can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
