that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Your penis caused this!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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