So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
