I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
