shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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