Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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