I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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