Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
