this beer tastes like vomit already
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
