Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
