Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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