I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
