I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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