i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
