i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
