it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
