I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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