I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
