dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
