If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
